Nocturne
by superschade
Summary: As Eren finally sees the destruction left in his recklessness's wake, he realizes that the one person he has always left behind is the one life he nearly let slip right out of his hands.
1. Chapter 1

_Set in the middle of Chapter 51, right after the panels cut away from Historia telling Eren that they needed to get to the walls immediately. Presumably, someone was like, "Historia, no, it's like 2 am. Go to bed." At least, that's what I thought._

_EreMika implied as much as Armin is implied to be a canonverse shipper. So yeah. _

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Attack on Titan. If I did, Eren would be in T-shirts much, _much_ more often. Like, really. *_*_

* * *

If there was anything that Eren Jaeger sincerely hated about being a soldier, it was the aftermath of a battle. He hated the hollow desolation that replaced the once-fiery determination in the survivors' eyes. He hated the thick stench of blood that clogged his throat and saturated the fibers of his clothing. Most of all, he hatred the hard knot in his stomach that formed when, like running the tip of his tongue over the empty spot where a lost baby tooth used to be, he felt the weighty absence of those who would not return home.

Eren swallowed, shuddering at the sensation of cold sweat running down his neck as he sat on the ledge of Wall Rose, his feet dangling off the side. He despised himself for thinking it, but his run as a soldier had more or less made him numb to the deaths of his comrades; though he grieved along with his fellow survivors, he did not cry or question the unfairness of the demises of the fallen, and eventually the knot in the pit of his stomach would loosen until he could barely feet it pressing up into his lungs anymore.

But on this night, the knot would not go away. Try as he may, Eren could not do anything to dissolve the burning mass of guilt and anger that seared in his abdomen. It was cemented there tightly by what he realized was betrayal—hot, bitter betrayal that roiled up whenever the faces of the shifters surfaced in his mind. The knot was also lodged in place by guilt so intense that it made him feel physically ill; he had been so helpless as he watched Hannes die earlier that day, yet he hadn't even been able to bring himself to witness it all. Eren gritted his teeth and slammed his fist against his knee in disgust. If it weren't for his own damn cowardice, he might have been able to save Hannes, and maybe Erwin Smith would still have both arms, and perhaps Mikasa's ribcage would not be shattered into fragments like blown glass.

"Mikasa…"

He had never seen her so broken open in front of him before. Careful, guarded Mikasa… when had she ever given up so wholly that she resigned her life right before his eyes with a smile like she had that afternoon? He could not recall. He could only see her in that moment, thanking him as she drew so close to him that he could feel wind-swept strands of her hair tickling his face, could see the crystalline teardrops that clung to her dark eyelashes…

"Cadet Jaeger."

Startled, Eren looked up to see Rico Brzenska standing over him, looking as battle-worn and weary as he had ever seen. A bandage was wrapped tightly around her head, and parts of her silver hair were still matted with dried blood.

"Cadet Jaeger, how are you holding up?" Rico asked quietly.

Eren hastily scrambled to his feet. "I'm fine, ma'am. And you…?"

"Hmph…" Rico grimaced in place of an answer. "Commander Erwin asked me to check on you," she said, crossing her arms. "Also, I was to tell you that all soldiers who are still able-bodied have been ordered to patrol along the top of the wall until we can carry out our retreat back to Trost at daybreak. Is that understood?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Eren answered, pulling his fist over his heart in a salute. He looked around hesitantly. "Um…where exactly are the commander and…the other soldiers who are _not_ able-bodied? I don't see them on the wall from where I'm standing…"

Rico shook her head gingerly, careful not to disturb her head wound, and pointed at a small cabin on the ground a few yards away from the wall. "The injured are being treated there for now. The goal is to let them rest up for as long as possible before we transfer them into the wagons for the journey home. We're hoping that all of them will make it through the night, but some are still in critical condition."

Eren's eyes widened. "Then… Commander Hanji…?" he whispered, sighing in relief when Rico shook her head again.

"She's not in any immediate danger, as far as we can see," she reassured. "A little banged up and bruised, but, well, you know what she's like. When I left, she was already trying to plan counterstrike actions with Captain Levi."

"Yeah, that sounds like her," Eren laughed, the sound bubbling out of him nervously. He quickly sobered. "Then, what about Mikasa? How is she doing?"

"Ackerman?" Rico glanced back at the cabin, as if half expecting to see Mikasa standing outside. "From what I can understand, it doesn't seem that Ackerman is likely to die tonight, but a lot of her bones have been broken and her body has sustained a lot of serious damage; if it weren't for how well she trains her abdominals, her organs would have been crushed into paste. Short of mummifying her in bandages, the only thing they can do is keep her as still as possible until we can get her to a surgeon, preferably one from within the inner wall."

A fist twisted itself around Eren's stomach as he listened to Rico. He followed her gaze to the makeshift infirmary cabin and watched as reinforcements from both the scouts and garrison regiments hurried about with their arms full of bandage rolls, slogging steaming buckets of hot hater into the little building one at a time.

"C-can I go see her? Mikasa?"

Rico lifted her eyebrow at Eren's pained expression. "I'm sorry, Jaeger, but no can do. You're able-bodied; you've been ordered to guard the wall from here. I know you two are very close, but it wouldn't make a difference to her. Ackerman's been so heavily sedated that she'll probably stay unconscious until we get back to headquarters, or at least partway into the journey there. She'd never know you were there."

"It doesn't matter, I just need to go see her for a moment," Eren pleaded. "I have to know that she's okay!"

"What part of 'orders' fails your comprehension? I told you that she's not going to die, didn't I?" Rico snapped, her eyes flashing behind her round eyeglasses. "So, since there's no reason to go down there, you will follow your commands and keep your butt stationed on this wall like the soldier you're supposed to be, Jaeger!"

"But I—!"

"Eren!"

Clutching at a stitch in his side, Armin jogged towards Eren and Rico, who were locked in heated glares, and glanced back and forth between them nervously.

"Eren… Squad Leader Brzenska…" he panted, wincing at the pain in his side. "I heard shouting, is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Eren said shortly. His anger dissipated he sight of Armin doubled over, white-faced and gasping for breath, and he reached out to help steady his friend. "Hey, what about you, Armin? Are _you_ alright?"

Armin nodded, waving away Eren's concern. "Yeah… I just got hit earlier today in my side and I forgot about it until I started running." He stared anxiously at Eren, whose cheeks still sported bright spots of color from his temper. "But enough about me. Really, are you sure nothing's the matter?"

"Quite," replied Rico coolly. "I was just reminding Cadet Jaeger here that a soldier's duties are not to be ignored… despite what happens on the battle field."

"Understood," Armin said quickly, catching Eren's shoulder firmly as Eren opened his mouth to retort. "It's been a long day for everyone, and we've all witnessed some horrible things today. Eren's just a little on edge right now, but aren't we all?" He eyed Eren warily and gave the tense muscles beneath his hand a squeeze. "_Right_, Eren?"

"…yeah, Armin," Eren conceded, all of the fight and bluster leaving him. His body relaxed and he cast his eyes down, not wanting to meet Rico's anymore. "I'm sorry, Squad Leader. I'll be here on wall patrol."

Rico paused, and then nodded curtly before turning away. "Hang on there, Jaeger," she said, her voice softening. "Daybreak's just a few hours away."

Watching Rico's retreating figure, Armin led Eren back to the edge of the wall by the arm and the two boys sat down side by side, swinging their legs over the side despite the dizzying height. Armin studied Eren intently, taking in his taut posture and twisted expression. "Eren…what's going on?" he asked gently. "What's gotten into you?"

Eren sighed. "It's Mikasa," he admitted, turning to his best friend. "I just wanted to go see her, but they won't let me leave this damn post." He speared his fingers through his hair. "So stupid, I know…"

Armin's brows knitted together in confusion. "Mikasa? She's okay, isn't she? I remember when we brought her back to the wall, she was still conscious and even talking!"

"Ah, yeah, she's fine, according to Rico. Well, not fine, really, but she's alive."

"That's good news, then! Why would Rico have any reason to lie about Mikasa's condition? She wouldn't, right?"

"I know," Eren said impatiently, knocking his heels into the side of the wall again and again. "I can't explain it, but ever since this afternoon, it feels like everything is different now. Like, something about Mikasa changed?"

Tilting his head in confusion, Armin regarded Eren carefully. "…changed? In what way?"

Eren sucked in his breath through his teeth. "Well," he said slowly, his voice breaking, "I guess you heard that…Mr. Hannes…he was…"

"Yes," Armin cut in, knowing that Eren would not be able to finish the sentence. He hung his head forlornly. "I heard that you guys saw it, too…"

Eren nodded, shivering as through someone had run an icy fingertip down the length of his spine. "Mikasa and I both saw it, Armin. And the Titan that did it?"

"Y-yeah?"

"…it was the same Titan that ate my mother."

"What!" Armin's head snapped up sharply and he whirled around to see Eren's haunted green eyes meeting his own blue ones, swimming with sorrow. "Oh, Eren…"

Eren nodded once before he continued. "In that moment, Mikasa and I didn't know what to do," he mumbled. He leaned forward to rest his forehead on his laced fingers, elbows balanced on his knees as he stared into the stark darkness below. "It was just… it felt like the end for us, you know? It was like we were kids in Shiganshina again, watching that Titan consume Mr. Hannes… It was like nothing had changed, even though we've put in so much hard work to training these past few years."

He exhaled slowly, agony apparent in the shaky breath as it left his lungs. "Armin, I…I've never seen Mikasa like that before. Even on the day she saw her parents get killed, she still had it in her to fight back, somehow. But today, she really gave up, just like that. Whether it was because she was too injured by then or something, I don't know…" Eren shook his head. "You probably didn't hear what she said to me, huh?"

"Well, no," Armin said sheepishly. "You two were too far away, and I had other things to worry about at the time. I only looked over when I heard you scream and summon all of the Titans away. Why, what did she say?"

"It wasn't really _what_ she said, so much as it was _how_ she said it," Eren answered slowly. "Everything must have really gotten to her because she was completely—how should I say this—open, I guess. Yeah, she was just totally open and raw and, I dunno, it was so different from how she usually is. Normally, you can't even guess what she's feeling when you look at her face, but she let absolutely everything out this afternoon. When was the last time you saw her like that, do you think?"

"When you emerged from your first Titan body," Armin replied absently, his deeply-engrained habit of answering questions getting to him before he could think. He chuckled nervously at Eren's quizzical expression. "I mean, I don't think you'd have remembered because you were unconscious then, but the first time we saw you come out of Titan form, Mikasa held onto you and she cried and cried. I'd never seen her be so emotional before." Scratching his nose, Armin peered at Eren, who looked even more bewildered. "Sorry, I guess we never told you about that, Eren…"

Eren turned his gaze to the fringe of trees he could see silhouetted in the darkness miles away, staring as if he expected to see something emerge from the forest. "No, never…" He reached up in attempt to tug his sleeve down, unused to the short length. "It sounds a lot like what happened today, though. Armin, she had tears running down her face and she was saying all of this nonsense about being grateful to me for helping her live, and thanking me for giving her that damn old scarf, and just being completely unlike herself. She looked so sad but she was smiling the whole time, can you believe it? And she kept leaning in closer and closer until we couldn't be more than an inch apart from each other—

"She did?" Armin interrupted, surprised. Eren, distracted by his own train of thought, was only partially aware of what he'd said.

"Huh? Um, yeah, she did. I just remember her face coming closer towards me and I had no idea why, but I stood up to punch that Titan right before she—what? What are you smiling about?"

Armin, despite himself, had broken out into a grin; he shook his head frantically. "N-nothing! I didn't expect her to, you know… heh…" He coughed in an attempt to regain his composure. "So, um, that inspired a change, do you think?"

"Who knows…" Eren sighed. "But in that moment, when I thought that I was done for, I looked at her and realized how useless I've been. To her, anyway."

He drew one knee up against his chest. "I think I need to start making it up to her." He stood up suddenly, swaying forward so dangerously that it seemed for a moment like he might have toppled off the wall, and looked down at Armin with a hardened gleam in his eyes.

"Armin, I need you to help me break in there."

"I—huh?" Armin scrambled to his feet. "What are you talking about, Eren? What are you going to break?"

"No, no, listen." Eren jerked his chin towards the infirmary cabin. "They won't let me off this wall for nothing, so I need you to do me a little favor and help me out. I need to go see her with my own eyes, just for a minute so that I know she's okay."

"Eren, I…"

"Please, Armin." Taking two steps forward, Eren held his gaze steady while Armin faltered. "Mikasa almost died today because of me. I can't…I can't just sit here and…"

He trailed off, shifting his glance away at his loss for words. Armin said nothing for a moment, but he'd already seen the determination that had made Eren Jaeger famous among the trainees of the 104th cadet squad. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Well, let's hear your plan, then," he said with mock exasperation, propping his hands on his hips. "Unless you're counting on _me_ for a plan, in which case I will charge you for one."

Eren grinned. "Any plan of yours would probably kick my plan's ass," he admitted, "but I think I'd better save up my funds for a tailor." He plucked woefully at the tattered, shortened sleeves of his shirt and shrugged. "Still, I think I've got a good idea…"

-o-

It was ridiculous of him, Eren knew, but he held his breath as he crept down a dark hallway in the cabin, afraid that the sound of air leaving his lungs might wake someone up. He rounded a corner swiftly and, after checking to make sure no one was around, proceeded towards the last room at the end of the corridor.

_The farthest one, Armin said. The last one…_

It had only taken the boys ten minutes to scale down the wall and sprint to the infirmary cabin where Armin, playing up his side injury convincingly, had persuaded the dumbfounded orderly at the door that he needed to lie down and rest, and that Eren's support would be enough to help him to an empty cot.

"Find the darkest, quietest hall and go to the last room you see," Armin had whispered as Eren bent over him while pretending to settle him down on the thin mattress. "The more sedated a patient is, the less they're going to get checked on by the staff."

Wrapping his fingers around the doorknob, Eren inhaled sharply and opened the door, hoping whole-heartedly that Armin was right as he ducked into the room.

Darkness lay heavy in the room, compressing the limited space in the room to make the area feel even smaller than it already was. What little light filtered through the window struggled to weave around the overgrown tendrils of a bush outside, which obscured more than half of the window solidly with its unruly growth. From what Eren could make out, there was nothing in the room aside from that window, an old, rickety desk, and a narrow cot pushed against the wall. He went still.

A small square of moonlight cast the left half of Mikasa's body in silver, leaving the rest steeped in shadow. From what he could see, she was covered by a blanket that had been pulled up to her chest, arms resting on top of the fabric. They had removed her clothing to treat her, but had bandaged her so thoroughly that the only skin left exposed was that of her face, fingers, and slivers of her shoulder. Nicks and scratches marred her pale cheek and dark bruises bloomed at the corner of her lips and eyes, which were shut heavily in a drugged sleep that left her as good as dead to the rest of the world.

Eren moved slowly towards the cot, the sickening sensation in his stomach growing as he drew closer and saw the extent of Mikasa's injuries more clearly. She had been the strongest and most talented of all of them, a cadet considered to be on the same level as seasoned, elite veterans on the battlefield; and yet, here she lay, listless as a ragdoll.

Holding his breath, Eren reached his hand out into the dark and his fingertips found the side of Mikasa's face that he couldn't see. He trailed his hand across her cheek ever so gently, so gently that he was barely touching her, but he felt it all the same—the scar that he had etched permanently into her flesh.

He snatched his hand back as if from an open flame and stared down at his palms ruefully. His own skin had once been marked all over from countless incidents and injuries collected from street fights, training, and even accidents throughout his years; now, with his newfound regenerative abilities, all evidence of broken skin erased like melted and blurred wax each time he emerged from his Titan body. It was like his body reset itself each time, previous damage sustained to his flesh and bones all but forgotten.

But Mikasa's wounds would never heal the way his did. Her scars would soften, but they would never disappear; her bones would mend, but they would be left weak and more vulnerable than before. The ugly gash she bore on her face now would remain there forever even if it faded over time, disrupting the nearly flawless complexion that had been the admiration and envy of so many of the girls during training.

Seeing that there were no chairs or benches in the room, Eren sank to his knees at Mikasa's bedside and gingerly took one of her hands in his own. She gave no indication that she had felt anything, and her fingers were almost alarmingly cold, but Eren could detect a faint pulse at her wrist, beneath his fingertips. He let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

He had been so reckless with his own life, so ready to let himself be fueled by adrenaline and rage that he gave no thought to the others, who would have to chase him into his careless brawl in order to bring him back. He should have known that Mikasa would be the one to follow closest at his heels, and that she would stop at nothing to pull him back to safety, even at the cost of her own life. She was always saying that she would go where he would, stay with him and defend him by any means, but he had always dismissed her concerns, only hearing her words as words. It had never occurred to him to worry about her safety—after all, Mikasa was one of the strongest fighters humanity had ever seen—and, with her having sworn to protect him to the best of her ability, he didn't think he'd ever need to offer her protection instead.

How wrong he had been.

For the first time in many years, Eren had witnessed how painfully human Mikasa was. She had kept it stowed well out of sight behind her stoicism for so long that he had all but forgotten about it, but when her humanity had surged on the waves of emotion that afternoon, Eren froze. He saw in her the little girl from six years earlier, helpless and paralyzed and completely resigned to her death, and he felt the inexplicable yet violent urge to save her and keep her safe until the danger had passed once again. He realized now—too late, perhaps—that the danger had never passed, and that it never would pass until the end; he had simply been plunging himself into danger before Mikasa could, and he had never looked back to see if she was putting herself in harm's way to go after him.

Eren could not stop himself from bringing Mikasa's hand to his mouth and gently brushed his lips against her knuckles, even though his own voice was shrieking in the back of his head, asking if he'd lost his goddamn mind. He'd come so close to losing one of the people he was closest to in the world, and he hadn't even noticed until she was nearly gone. How many times had the current situation been reversed, where Eren had been the one unconscious and bedridden, and he had woken up to see a seat dragged to the side of his bed, even if her person was not there at the moment? How long must she have sat with him, days bleeding into nights, before the heady scent of her hair became the first thing to register his attention when he regained consciousness? How much must she have worried to be so overcome with relief when he finally opened his eyes to see her that all she could say was "Thank goodness"?

Mikasa cared so much for him; that much had always been apparent to Eren. But while he cared about her well-being, he had never thought to caution her about her life as intensely as she had for him before, and the lack of having done so stirred a feeling he couldn't name deep in his abdomen. She was strong, yes, but she was sometimes still the fragile, frightened child she had been on the day they met at her core. She could take care of herself very well, but she could not do it alone forever. If he could offer up his heart to the military for the sake of humanity, could he offer his heart up to peril for the sake of Mikasa's life?

Heat swirled beneath Eren's skin and he shut his eyes.

_I'm going to protect her._

_I'll have her back from now on, just as she's always had mine._

_No matter what I have to do, I will keep her safe._

Eren did not know how much time had passed; he had lost track. Surely, someone would be coming around soon to check on the patients, or Armin would be cleared to go back to defending the wall by one of the nurses on duty. At any second, he could get caught and be severely punished for defying direct orders, but at the moment Eren did not care. All he knew was that at present, he was kneeling at Mikasa's bedside with her hand clasped between his own, hoping that some of his warmth would seep into her cool skin as he whispered apologies she could not hear into her palm. He murmured his promise to her against her slender fingers and swore to her that he would not let her be broken again.

He knew that he owed Mikasa so much more for what she did for him and that his promise was not enough, but it would have to do for now.

* * *

_**A/N:** Ahhhhh, really tired + lots of stress = warped plot and jumbled writing. Sorry y'all, my brain's been kinda fried lately..._

_I got the sense from chapter 50 that something changed in Eren when he realized that he and Mikasa were about to die, even more so than after his trial. (Famously, it's been noted that after he heard that he tried to kill Mikasa, Eren felt so guilty that he never snapped at her for her protectiveness again in the series.) Whereas Mikasa seemed to recognize that her feelings for Eren went beyond familial after he emerged from the rogue titan (in one of the most **beautiful** scenes in the history of anime, omg ;_;), Eren probably noticed that he sees Mikasa differently from chapter 50 onward but failed to figure out how his feelings towards her have changed. You know, because he's a teenage boy hell-bent on getting revenge. But I definitely see him being softer with Mikasa in their interactions after chapter 50. There may be hope for him yet, yeah?_

_Also, I know Rico didn't get a head injury, but hey, why not? She still doesn't trust Eren entirely, so she'd be likely to bust his balls a bit. _

_Another also, I really love Armin. Like, I really really love him a lot. He's just so lovely, and I want to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art with him because I think he'd be a great cultural-intellectual date. I don't know, I'm dumb. _

_Thanks very much for reading! xx_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hooray for impromptu continuations! This is really the end of this story, I promise ;_;_

_**Disclaimer:** I still don't own _Attack on Titan_, unfortunately. If I did, Eren would just be one big, messy cuddlebug~ (Sorry, I'm slightly drunk...)_

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It was so funny, Eren always thought, how darkness seemed to amplify noises. When night fell, everything that was usually silent during the day seemed to come alive and teem with sounds he had never even thought of listening for. The earsplitting chirps of the tiny crickets outside; the deafening rustle of fabric as he shifted beneath his bedclothes; and even the thunderous pounding of his own heart in his ears—these were all sounds that usually went unnoticed when the sky still held light, but Eren's brain buzzed with these alien reverberations each night as he tried to fall asleep, sometimes so loud to him that they kept him awake. Maybe, Armin had once suggested to him, his hearing was just more acute than that of most people.

This seemed like a very plausible summation to Eren when he heard the faintest whimper, coming all the way from the other side of his house, as clearly as if the source had been in the shell of his ear.

Frowning, Eren swung his legs over the side of his bed and jammed his feet into his raggedy slippers, pulling his blanket around his shoulders as he reluctantly stood up; it would snow soon, and even the air inside the house was bitterly cold with the anticipation of winter. His mother would yell at him for sure if she saw the way he let the blanket drag on the floor as he walked across the room, but he wasn't worried—she would never see.

He reached the slanted alcove beneath the stairs where his father kept a cot for patients and pulled back the privacy curtain that separated the small space from the rest of the room. The dim orange glow of the dying embers in the fireplace crept into the alcove, chasing away some of the shadows.

She looked even paler in her sleep than she had while she was awake, somehow, and her expression was so anxious that it was impossible to say that she was resting at all. At some point she had kicked away her covers so that they bunched together in a crumpled ball at her feet, her hands twisting tightly into the sheets. Despite the freezing temperature, a thin sheen of sweat had formed across her brow, and another strangled noise somewhere between a gasp and a groan emitted from her throat. The girl probably didn't even know she was crying.

"Mikasa…"

The name felt strange on Eren's tongue, like a round sweet that turned out to be a glass marble instead. It was a weird name—certainly one he had never heard around town before—but, then again, her facial features were unlike any he'd ever seen before either. It would take some time to get used to calling this name, or to even have her around at all.

"Hey, Mikasa," he said more loudly, "you're having a bad dream." Mikasa stirred at the sound of his voice, but did not wake. Eren sighed and reached out to brush a tear away from the corner of her eye.

"Oh! I—!" She started, sitting up quickly and looked around wildly, her eyes round. "Mama, I can't—!"

Suddenly she caught sight of Eren and her breath hitched, realization flooding her face. Her chest was heaving with her frantic gasps, and she stared at him, bewilderment slowly turning into grief. Eren stared back, nonplussed.

"What're you doing?" he asked, crossing his arms. Mikasa ducked her head quickly.

"I…dreaming," she whispered, drawing her knees up against her chest. "I was dreaming… of…" She shook her head and looked up at Eren; he could see fresh tears in her eyes. "W-what…what are _you_ doing?"

"I heard you making noises in your sleep," he answered simply, shrugging. "I came to see if you were having stomach cramps or something. Sometimes people come to my father in the middle of the night for stomachaches."

Mikasa bit her lip and cast her eyes down. "…sorry…for waking you up…"

"It's okay, I didn't fall asleep yet. Don't worry about my folks, either," he added, seeing Mikasa glance around nervously. "They're asleep upstairs. That's where all the bedrooms are. My father just put you here for today because he thought you looked too tired to climb up the steps, but you can have the extra bed in my room tomorrow."

"Then…why are you down here?"

Eren rolled his eyes. "Because the hearth is down here and it's warm!" He tilted his head and regarded Mikasa carefully. "Seriously, are you in some kind of pain? I can go get my dad if your stomach hurts…"

"No…"

"Then what is it?"

"I… I don't know," Mikasa admitted softly. "I guess…I guess I just miss my parents." She sniffed, and the tears began spilling down her cheeks. "I'm never going to see my family again." She buried her face in her knees, her thin shoulders trembling.

Eren's brows unknitted as he watched the girl in front of him cry, and his chest suddenly felt tight. She was only his age, after all. He opened his mouth to reply but stopped abruptly as Mikasa continued speaking.

"Every time I close my eyes, I see them," she mumbled, her voice muffled by the fabric of her dress. "I see everything that happened today, and I can't get it out of my head." She sucked in her breath and let it out in a shaky puff. "I don't want to see it anymore. I just want it to stop, but I'm so scared… I'm so scared that I can't even sleep…"

Eren stilled. He turned his head away so that he could no longer see Mikasa's face, choosing instead to focus his attention on her discarded blankets. It was cold even with the two of them standing in the small space beneath the stairs, and too cold for the hearth to offer up much warmth despite its proximity to Mikasa's cot. The dying embers provided little heat to the space immediately around it; it was impossible for any heat at all to escape to the other side of the room where Eren, bundled in his blanket, had been curled up on the couch.

It hadn't been heat that had prompted Eren to stay downstairs with Mikasa, but he would never admit that he had the same fear Mikasa had just confessed, especially not to her. He sucked in his breath and steeled himself for the rush of icy air that was about to hit his skin.

"Why'd you have to go and kick your blanket away? Look at how much you're shivering," he muttered. He unwound the blanket from around his shoulders and settled it clumsily over Mikasa's quivering form, accidentally draping it over half her face while missing one of her knees. Dazed, Mikasa looked up, the tear tracks streaking down her cheeks glistening in the muted light.

"W-what…?"

"Move over a bit," Eren commanded, pulling up the covers at the foot of the cot. He layered it over the first blanket, his blanket, and tried to smooth it out more evenly. "Come on, my feet are going numb!"

Mikasa stared at Eren with wide eyes. "What are you talking about? What…what are you…"

Eren scowled, but he felt his cheeks redden. "W-what do you think? I've told you how cold it is a million times already!" he said haughtily, tilting his chin up so she wouldn't see his faint blush. "It'll be warmer for us to stick together, right? You said you were scared, anyway…"

He clamped his mouth shut, already starting to regret this stupid idea of his as Mikasa continued to stare at him with what he perceived to be growing horror. To his surprise, Mikasa nodded hesitantly after a moment and scooted back against the wall to make room for Eren on the narrow cot. The thin mattress sank beneath Eren's weight as he crawled in next to Mikasa and yanked the doubled covers over his own body, sighing as warmth enveloped him again. He stretched out his legs and inadvertently brushed his foot against Mikasa's bare leg; she yelped softly at the contact with his frigid skin.

"Sorry, sorry," Eren mumbled hastily, drawing his feet back away from hers.

Mikasa shook her head slightly. "It's okay… I was just… not expecting that…" She closed her eyes and sighed, and Eren could feel the tension release from her tired body, little by little. Suddenly, just when it seemed that she had finally become completely relaxed, Mikasa rolled in towards the center of the mattress and she collided with Eren, making him jump. She gasped, mortified, and shrank back immediately, trying to put as much distance between their bodies as possible.

"I-I didn't mean it!" she whispered, pulling her hands up to cover her mouth. Eren lay motionless for a moment, waiting for his erratic heartbeat to settle down. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, counting to ten before returning his gaze to Mikasa's terrified expression.

"It's okay, you know," Eren murmured, taking Mikasa's wrist in his grasp. "I…I don't mind." He gently tugged her hands down from her face, nodding his head in an effort to beckon her to come closer. Mikasa resisted at first, but her fatigue quickly got to her and she gave in, allowing Eren to draw her in towards him until they were face to face and mere inches apart, nestled together awkwardly but somehow comfortably. She let out a breath Eren hadn't realized she was holding and her eyes drifted shut; her fingers were still icy.

Eren tightened his grip on Mikasa's wrist and used his free hand to search for Mikasa's other hand beneath the covers, curling his warm fingers around hers when they brushed against cold skin. Mikasa stiffened, but she did not protest, and the heat radiating from Eren's body slowly soaked into her flesh, warming her until she all but melted into the sheets. Eren frowned.

"You're not used to sleeping by yourself, are you?" he asked.

"Huh?" Mikasa looked up quizzically, her eyelids heavy with exhaustion. "Why would you think that?"

"You just seem to be more at ease now," Eren replied. "That's all."

Mikasa hesitated for a moment before turning her face into her pillow, a single tear trailing across the bridge of her nose. "…we used to all sleep in the same bed," she said, so quietly that Eren had to strain to hear despite their proximity. "My parents…our family…"

She made a motion to pull her hands back to cover up her face again, but Eren kept his firm hold on her. He dipped his head forward to touch his forehead to hers, accidentally knocking into her skull with too much force so that the crash was audible, but held his gaze steady as his green eyes burned into her watering ones intensely.

"We'll be your family," he said quietly, clutching Mikasa's hands between his own even more tightly. "I know no one will ever replace your parents, but… we'll take care of you. I promise." He swallowed and brought Mikasa's hands closer to his chest, where he could feel his heart pumping in an unbroken rhythm. "My folks are strict sometimes and have a lot of rules, but they're still nice people. Dad, well, you've gotten to know him a little, right? And Mom yells at me when I get into fights and things like that, but she's really caring and loving and she's also a really great cook."

Mikasa was silent but she listened to Eren's words carefully, battling the drowsiness that was clouding over her eyes. Eren saw this and offered her a small smile; tiredness was sinking down into his brain, too, and he struggled to stay awake. "Tomorrow… you want to come with me to meet my friend? I'm going to his house… He's very smart…and his grandfather tells the best stories…"He could feel himself nodding off and only barely heard Mikasa's response.

"Okay… what's your friend's name?"

"Armin… Armin Arlert…"

"Armin…Arlert…" She stifled a yawn and nodded once, threads of consciousness spinning into the depths of slumber. "I'll remember that…"

"Good." Eren let his eyelids fall, deciding that it was impossible to keep them up anymore. "Do you remember… do you remember my name, Mikasa?"

"Hm? O-of course, I do…"

"Yeah? What…what is it, then…?"

"…Eren. You're Eren…"

Eren…

_Eren._

-o-

_Eren…_

Eren?

"Eren!"

"Huh? Gah—!"

Eren gasped and jolted out of his sleep, blinking rapidly as his eyes failed to focus quickly in the dark. He tried to remember where he was and was attempting to process his surroundings when he felt a hand rigorously shake his shoulder. He looked up, startled to see Armin's frantic eyes staring back at him.

"Armin, what's going on?"

"It's almost dawn and they're sending someone around to check on the patients before they start packing up," Armin whispered urgently, glancing back nervously over his shoulder. "We need to get back to the wall before they do a roll call, or else we'll get caught!"

"Damn," Eren muttered, rubbing sleep out of his eyes with the heel of his hand. "Rico's going to haul my ass if she finds out I came here. How long have we been here, anyway?"

Armin flushed. "Um… a few hours, I think…"

"W-what?!"

"I'm sorry, Eren, I fell asleep!" Armin admitted sheepishly. "I-I meant to go and get you after about an hour so that we could leave, but I…"

Eren waved away Armin's apology. "Don't worry, it's not like I did any better," he sighed. "Either way, let's just go now, before anyone shows up."

He started to stand up when he realized that he held weight in his hand, and looked down to see that, somehow, his fingers had become tangled with Mikasa's while he slept. He swore lightly under his breath and gently pulled his hand away, careful not to jostle Mikasa awake with the movement. As he turned to leave, he saw Armin watching him with his arms crossed and eyebrows arched, trying desperately to hide his grin but failing miserably.

"What?" he demanded.

"Huh?" Armin feigned innocence, and Eren scowled.

"Not a word about this to anyone, got it?" he hissed, throwing open the door to the room before taking one last look around. Mikasa was still asleep soundly, thanks to the narcotics she had been administered. Perhaps it was only his imagination, but Eren could have sworn that her expression had become much more peaceful. Either way, relief flooded his chest.

Armin rolled his eyes and smirked. "Sure, sure," he said, ducking as Eren moved to swat the back of his head. "Come on, though, we need to get out of here…"

As the two boys sprinted back to Wall Rose, Eren found himself thinking about his dream. It had been so long since he'd thought about that time—those few, fragile days after they took Mikasa in—that he was surprised at how much he still remembered from that first night. Back then, he had seen only weakness in her countenance, and he'd sworn to protect her then, too. Why had he let that promise flounder and float away into the back of his mind?

He hitched his maneuver gear higher up on his waist and shot the hooks into the wall near the top, feeling his feet leave the ground as his body launched skyward. He could remember clearly now, the memories playing in his head like a film reel as wind rushed past his ears. He remembered how quickly Mikasa had fallen asleep, curled up against him like a fern, and how he, too, had felt safer in that moment. He remembered being woken up when the curtain strung up around the cot had been pulled back to let in a flood of sunlight. He remembered how his mother had scolded him, telling him that it was kind of him to care for Mikasa's wellbeing but that it was also inappropriate for him to invite himself into a young lady's bed. He remembered his father chuckling into his sleeve before asking Mikasa how she was doing, pressing a hand to her forehead to check for a fever. And he remembered how Mikasa had smiled just a bit, the first time he had ever seen her smile, before saying that she was doing fine, that she was alright.

Maybe that's when it began, Eren realized as his feet touched down on the top of Wall Rose. Maybe it was after that first smile that Mikasa had started to construct the layers around herself, gathering her resolve around her like hardened coats of enamel to protect herself from harm. She would rely on this armor of hers and build upon its strength until it became evident that she filled the role of the protector instead of the protected, and she never needed anyone to save her, it seemed.

But her battle-worn shell had finally cracked and Eren had been the one to witness it shatter. He had been the first to glimpse the vulnerability Mikasa had kept locked away for so long and he had watched it seep out of the cracks of her tough exterior, catching it in cupped palms before it slipped through his fingers. She had entrusted him with her own weakness, putting all of her faith in him, in knowing that if he would not be able to keep her safe, he would at least be by her side when everything crumbled.

The sky was streaked a rosy gold as Eren watched the sun slip up over the horizon degree by degree, chasing away the somber indigo of night. He reached out towards the bright, burning sliver as though he might catch it in his fist and felt warmth envelop his hand. It was mere minutes ago that he had held a similar warmth, locked into his palm with interwoven fingers, but this time he swore that he could feel it beating just within his grasp. Like a baby bird, the warmth fluttered against his fingertips until his entire body pulsed with heat, burning away at his brain and spine and lungs and heart.

This was the promise he had made to Mikasa Ackerman years ago, the same promise he had made to her at her bedside just hours ago, and the same promise he would again be making to her now. This was the promise to protect her life and keep her safe, the promise that he had made not only to Mikasa but to his mother and himself as well, the promise that he could not ever go back on. This was the promise he had failed to keep the first time, but he would never lose hold of it again.

Eren clenched his hand into a fist and held it up before the rising sun. This time, he would not fail. He would do everything in his power to help keep Mikasa from falling to her knees again; perhaps she didn't need him to hold her steady, and she would certainly be able to fight on without him. But this time he would be there beside her to catch her if she tumbled, for he knew that he could not bear to let her go anymore.

* * *

_**A/N:** Yaaaaay, *now* it's done! This was originally a scene that I deleted from the first chapter; I wasn't too happy about some of the characterization in it and it sat rather awkwardly in the middle of the previous chapter, so I decided to take it out altogether. But I guess that didn't stop me, because I then tweaked it a bit and posted it here anyway. I know, I'm terrible. I just don't know when to quit, huh? :P_

_Also, I'm sorry that Armin just sort of disappeared at the end. I don't know what happened to him, but I swear that I really, really love him, that I do!_

_Anyhoodle, thank you for reading the conclusion of this fic! However, if you want a pseudo-continuation of this Eren-realizes-that-he's-seeing-Mikasa-in-a-new-light plot bunny of mine, please check out my story, _Rehabilitation_, as it follows a similar scheme! (I don't mean to cross-promote myself, but, yeah, I totally do. Sorry, not sorry.) Much love to you all! xx_


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